Cue the Music and Give me a Mustard Seed!

The man who saved my life!

Here it is. A blank canvas. I am looking for words. Any words. The right words. Some type of words to express the emotions I’ve felt the last few days.

I still cannot think of what to write. That must seem somewhat bizarre. If you read my last post, I talked a lot about the anxiety of breaking up with chemo. I mentioned the worries I have living a life free of cancer. However, I really didn’t mention the process of moving forward.

I have had a lot of trouble concentrating on the future when for the last seven months because I have been firmly rooted in getting through each day, each treatment, each scan. Planning for the future is a little, well, uncomfortable. And celebrating is something I am not quite ready to do.

Here’s what I do know:

12 rounds of chemo and I still got it!

I received my last ABVD treatment on 08-18-14. I kept a lot of my hair. (Take that Rhonda.) Recovery from the treatment was difficult and the fatigue really hit hard-emotionally and physically.
I will get bloodwork for the next two weeks to make sure there is no infection and that I am recovering from the effects of chemotherapy.
I will wait a grueling 6 weeks for my next scan. The scan will reveal if radiation is necessary or if more chemotherapy will take place. My oncologist is completely confident in my, “progress.” And what I refer to as “horseshit,” he is pretty certain has saved my life.
The next 5 years will consist of scans, visits, and close watch on all signs of cancer.

Here’s what I don’t know:

Where I feel my career as a coach and teacher are leading me
If that cancer crap just loves me so much that it’s gonna stick to me like glue

Here’s Where Faith Comes In:

Luke 17:6

“The Lord answered, ‘If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,’ and it would obey you!”

My Cancer Journey The Diagnosis Numbers Don’t Define Sucker Punch vs. Game Face Twenty-Five Percent X3, and Oh Yeah, Cancer X3 Update, and A New Do Words of Wisdom The Blessing of Cancer Craziest Thing I’m Gonna Say Cue The Music Finding Your Inner Leader Not A Choice, A Calling

I have found myself saying this over and over in my head especially as I have been asking for guidance as I transition into my role as survivor. Truly, I feel a pulling, an obligation, a calling- not sure which one but something in my heart is telling me I am on the right path, and even though I don’t know exactly what this means and where I am heading, I do know I have faith the size of a mustard seed. I certainly believe that I am destined to inspire others- one post, one blog, one comment, one person at a time. Nothing is impossible.