I had an interesting conversation with my mom last night. She mentioned that someone approached her about my facebook posts. The woman asked if my posts were real, authentic and how I am really dealing with the adversity I’m overcoming.
Although I was taken aback by the question, and can tell you that each one was written by me, I can also tell you that they aren’t always easy to write. Many times I find that posting is almost therapeutic. Presenting myself as an optimist helps me forget the negativity that, no matter what obstacle I face, let’s me take a breath and find comfort in the blessings that I do have.
With that being said, I am coming into what will certainly be an extremely difficult week. And throughout this past week, I’ve dealt with quite a few sucker punches that I really didn’t know how to get up from. But I did. Crawling, crying and stripped of dignity. I did.
Sucker Punch: Business related, big time NO- rejection! Just ouch.
Game Face: I shared the experience with the other coaches on my team. I let them know that each rejection we receive, each no we hear, brings us one step closer to a YES. Although this “no” was particularly hurtful, rejection does happen and it never means NO forever. It means not right now. Everything, I am certain, happens for a reason. This no happened for a reason. So metaphorically rip off the band-aid and let it go.
Sucker Punch: Watching coaches on my team get ready and board their flights for the S.S. Beachbody Cruise. A cruise, I too earned- completely paid for by my company, and they even gave me money to spend. I will not be on that cruise this week. Ouch. But the stinger came when a fellow coach, asked me to “Hold down the fort,” while she is away, basking in the sunshine, dining with fellow coaches, working out with Shaun T. and Tony Horton and heading out on once in a lifetime excursions. And I’m down.
Game Face:
Everyone going on this trip has earned it. Everyone deserves it. And truly, from the bottom of my heart I am thrilled that they have the opportunity to go. I wish them an amazing trip filled with many memories. I know that next year, I will be on the trip to Cancun. I will bask in the sun, and the cancer will be only a memory that has helped mold me into the person I am supposed to become Personally, I MUST look forward to a week of work, not just holding down the fort, but making the foundation for my team stronger. I look forward to getting away this weekend with my husband, and heading to his UPJ Alumni Game- watching him play a sport that he is passionate about (and sharing the experience with my sons). I must also note that the proceeds of the game will be given to the Mario Lemieux Foundation. Thanks, UPJ Hockey Alum.
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| Ready to hold UP the fort this week! |
Sucker Punch: I received my chemotherapy yesterday which is great because I know that each treatment is one step closer to recovery. Unfortunately, my nurse, let’s call her Rhonda Realist gave me some serious punches:
1. No one who receives ABVD chemotherapy keeps their hair. In her 20 years in oncology she’s never seen it. Oh and it will likely be gone this week, she added. Ouch- just add to the fact that I am not going on the cruise. Thanks, Rhonda.
2. Some patients keep the port, indefinitely. It will be something I discuss with my doctor if my illness becomes chronic. Ouch again. Might I add, seriously?!?!?!?!
3. Don’t get caught up in the number of treatments remaining. Many times patients think their treatment will be completed without realizing that can change if the treatment isn’t working as fast as anticipated. And I’m down.
Game Face: Perhaps Rhonda Realist has been in oncology for twenty years, and perhaps she has seen patients become disappointed or hear news that they weren’t expecting, but she’s never met me and she doesn’t know my fighting spirit. Just a lil FYI nurse, when you take away HOPE you strip people of a lot more. So although she didn’t give me much to look forward to, I can tell you this.
1. My best friend of 30 years, Susan, offered to shave my head when the hair loss happens, so my husband doesn’t have to. It may call for a drink or two or ten, but hey, what are friends for?
2. This port is coming out and I will not have this illness forever. I don’t care what she says or how long she’s been in oncology, I am not keeping MORT Jr. (Yes, he has a name.)
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| Take that Nurse Realist! |
3. I am caught up in this number because I NEED this number. If down the road it changes, I will deal with it. But for now I have 10 treatments remaining, and I WILL celebrate my son’s first birthday cancer free. Stay tuned for the birthday party pictures because it will be HUGE!
So let me ask you-
Have you ever felt that sucker punch? You know the one that knocks the crap out of you, leaves you down for the count, and praying for any type of comfort that God will provide. Yep-cancer and life in general gives you quite a few of these punches. But with each punch, much like Chumba Wumba described…I will get back up again. Go ahead cancer, keep it coming because I am stronger than your swings. My game face is on.
Again, as promised, I am keeping it real, as long as you promise to share my story .
